A while ago, I wrote a poem that reflected on the various events on a very interesting year for me. The poem ended on a positive note, written, as it were, over Thanksgiving, a time for counting one’s blessings. Yet, over the past few months, for the first time since I was a teenager, that dark thought, “I hate my life” has slowly crept out of the cracks of my psyche, out of the turbulent depths that are my id, and rides the waves that unceasingly rage against the shore’s of my ego, hissing in my ear.
This, well, this is my ego writing now, as I am trying to sort out from where this scurrilous stowaway has come, and how to get rid of the negative thought.
I don’t like negative thoughts: they stymie creativity, friendship, social graces, are a leading cause of cancer and wars, and likely are the cause behind global warming and testicular cancer. 9 out of 10 doctors do not recommend negative thoughts. So from where did the bastard come?
As the Thanksgiving poem reflected, life has been good this year, between the getting back into shape, dating, new job, new friends etc…I’ve been thinking overall that Life has been good to me this year in general. However, perhaps Life hasn’t been that good.
I had some friends visit up from Seattle the other weekend and, for a lark, we read each other’s Chinese horoscope. We laughed about the strengths, the weaknesses (and it being a Chinese site, some of the qualities perceived by the Chinese as negative were taken by us as positives), and I thought, heck, I could use the description of the Horse on a dating profile (the following is taken directly from the site, curious choice of grammar and all):
People born in the year of the horse have ingenious communicating techniques and in their community they always want to be in the limelight. They are clever, kind to others, and like to join in a venture career. Although they sometimes talk too much, they are cheerful, perceptive, talented, earthy but stubborn. They like entertainment and large crowds. They are popular among friends, active at work and refuse to be reconciled to failure, although their endeavor cannot last indefinitely.
They cannot bear too much constraint. However their interest may be only superficial and lacking real substance. They are usually impatient and hot blooded about everything other than their daily work. They are independent and rarely listen to advice. Failure may result in pessimism. They usually have strong endurance but with bad temper. Flamboyant by nature, they are wasteful since they are not good with matters of finance due to a lack of budgetary efficiency. Some of those who are born in the horse like to move in glamorous circles while pursuing high profile careers. They tend to interfere in many things and frequently fail to finish projects of their own.
This description is me to a tee. Just to caveat horoscopes and zodiacs, I feel that they aren’t any different from a Meyers-Briggs psych test. Some of it fits, some of it doesn’t. You accept the good with enthusiasm, and posh the rest when it’s wrong or you don’t want to be equated to Hitler (sorry Oxes, your top five celebrities were listed as: Napoleon Bonaparte, Adolf Hitler, Barack Obama, Richard Nixon, and Vincent Van Gogh…only one of the list is obviously normal, the rest, questionable to say the least, and it is interesting to see that the Chinese, at least on this site, think that Hitler is ‘okay’).
The bit that made me think back on 2014 as perhaps not being as good as I’d thought it was this:
Fortune Foretelling in 2015
Horses finally get past their bad fortune from 2014, the year of their birth, and welcome a comparatively good year.
What, I had bad fortune in 2014? Hmm. Let’s think on this:
(1) had a horrible experience with an bully of an acquaintance in the first half of the year, although the whole unfortunate episode passed like a bad bowel movement (not unlike a Tom Robbins description of diarrhea: “like a cream puff with the cream squeezed out“);
(2) had thought I’d finally met the right guy, with whom I’d had delusions of a LTR, only to have him crap out on me mid-September (’twas a sinking feeling).
Okay, so it’s only two items. But they are both big, and taken together in the same year, I feel like I’ve been emotionally sucker punched in the gut and then got a right hook to the kisser. Baby, those two black eyes weren’t from walking into a door.
Ah well, so maybe the horoscope was somewhat right: 2014 was a bit of a write-off and that negative thought crept in on the coattails of the first incident, and took hold of my right calf like tick on the second. Oh, and I had H1N1 at the beginning of the year. Actually, the whole H1N1 episode was the physical manifestation of what was to emotionally come later that year: felt fine lying down, completely wobbly and weak when I stood up.
Thankfully, as there is always hope, and I am the eternal optimist (who is chasing that negative thought scuttling about, with a giant shoe, hoping to squash the roach), the horoscope states that 2015 is a fortunate year for me:
2015 Predictions for the Horse
Love: Single people will meet their ideal partners by participating in more social activities. For people in love, it will be auspicious for them to get married in 2015.
Fortune: People who were born in a year of the horse will have good fortune in 2015, with their income increasing steadily and increased chances to earn extra income. However, they should avoid investing in the stock market.
Career: It will be fairly easy for them to get more contracts and profit from them, and will also be an excellent chance for them to carry out new projects due to the support from bosses and colleagues.
Health: The health tendency for them will be rather good on the whole; however, they should pay more attention to their blood pressure, especially elderly people. At the same time, those who are fond of wine should drink less.
Huzzahs are in order! The year in retrospect brings out the Grinch, but thankfully, little Cindy-Lou Who, in the guise of Sin-Dee Lu Hu, has brought a modicum of hope to the old sod.